How to Shower...

I received this email last week and thought it was hilarious, so I wanted to share it with all of you.

Part 1: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
*Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
*Look at your womanly physique in the mirror.
* Make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
*Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
*Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
*Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
*Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner.
*Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for10 minutes until red.
*Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffacake body wash.
*Rinse conditioner off hair.
*Shave armpits and legs.
*Turn off shower.
*Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
*Spray mold spots with Tilex.
*Get out of shower.
*Dry with towel the size of a small country.
*Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
*Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Part 2: HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
*Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
*Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound.
*Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
*Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
*Get in the shower.
*Wash your face.
*Wash your armpits.
*Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the snot off.
*Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
*Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
*Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
*Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
*Pee.
*Rinse off and get out of shower.
*Partially dry off.
*Fail to notice water on floor because the curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
*Admire wiener size in mirror again.
*Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
*Return to bedroom with towel around waist .
*If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
*Throw wet towel on her pillow.

Summary Since Sept. 2005

I know it's been a long while since I've been on here. I can't believe so much time has passed. Well...a lot has changed since the last time I posted something. I can honestly say that I've accomplished much since then. I will now list my great achievements:

• I got married, but it wasn't easy. This is a long story...but I'll give you the short version. On Sept. 8, just a few days after my last post, my father-in-law passed away. Trust me, it was hard to see him go, but it was totally to his benefit that he did. He was in a lot of pain and was suffering way too much. So, if you remember, I was going to get married at that time and my wedding shower was actually going to be, I believe, the next weekend after he passed, so that got postponed. This is the first of the craziness that was that year. Let's just say that wasn't the first phone call I made to my guests to reschedule. Well the party was great, everyone had a great time and I had a great time as well.



• Now for the wedding. On October 24, 2005, Hurricane Wilma decided to join us here in Florida and my wedding was the same week, which was on Saturday, October 29th. Yeah, well, that freakin' hurricane almost ruined my wedding. We basically had to plan the whole wedding over again, minus my wedding dress, the bridesmaids dresses and the tuxes. Everything else was with the banquet hall, but of course they didn't have power so it was cancelled. Needless to say, we almost lost the Church, but my mother was able to beg them not to cancel the wedding. This was the second phone call I made, which was to let everyone know it was going to be an earlier wedding. So we got lucky that in my husbands parents house, the electricity came on that Wednesday (whew!) and also, we were lucky that his sister's friends had party equipment and a DJ. So, basically we found a florist that was open and we found a food place that was open. We also had a contact for the car and I got the Rolls Royce!!!! So nice! Well, rehearsals were on a Thursday night and let's just say I had a nervous breakdown (literally)...that was not fun, but I did get to lose those last 5 pounds, since I didn't have much of an appetite. So our wedding came out super (it was literally 12 hours long)...I loved every minute of it, and people are still talking about how it was the best wedding they have been to. Our honeymoon was in Kauai, Hawaii and it was beautiful. Although the first thing I did when I got there was pass out on the couch (it was a very comfortable couch!). OK...so that's the story in a nutshell, now on to better things.



• After that I got a new car (Honda Accord - 2006)...bought it on Nov 23, 2005. That was exciting! Still love my car!



• We bought land in Arkansas in Feb. 2006. We also bought some timeshare that same year in the summer.



• Let's see, well Sept of 2006 I got another job, which I am currently still in. I am a Project Assistant and I really like my job. I've met a lot of great people and have made some really special friends. I'm very glad to be able to have met them.



• So, the next huge milestone was that I finally have my home. On the downside, I still don't live in it. We bought a home in Ft. Pierce and I really love it there. For now, we just go on the weekends. It's our getaway home.



• I've also travelled a lot since getting married, we have been on a road trip to Kansas City, Missouri. We've been to Las Vegas, NV; Williamsburg,VA; Pigeon Forge, TN; Atlanta, GA and probably many more that I haven't mentioned. I can't wait for October. We are planning a trip to see a Fall (I've never seen a real Fall).

So as you can see it's been busy since Sept. 2005. A lot of sad and happy things have happened and I've grown along the way. I'm hoping that I will continue to keep writing. I got re-inspired to write, since one of my friends has a blog (http://www.thepompomist.com/). You guys should check it out. I will now be posting some interesting things and I can't wait till tomorrow to continue telling you guys about travelling or any funny or interesting things I come across. Hopefully, I will have some great pictures too. I need to get them together. Here is one from my beautiful wedding pictures (Notice the work that was put into that pool and how clean the backyard was. That was all my husband, his brother and the pool guys. Thank you gentlemen). Also, that food was delicious! Alright guys, so I want to say goodnight and I'll be writing more tomorrow, so check back.